Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
