just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My penis needs a shock collar
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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