I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize