why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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