"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
