i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
