I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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