i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize