I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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