Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
