I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
