When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
