I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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