When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
