how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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