i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Im part way to drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
