Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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