i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
