Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
