these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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