Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
