haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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