Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
