So drunk, too bad you don't want this
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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