hotel room ftw
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
