I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
