I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
