I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
