the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize