i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
