She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
