It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
