do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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