I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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