dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
