no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
