Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
