Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
