I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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