I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
