Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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