Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
