Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
