I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
