Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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