We named our party play list daddy issues
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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