11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
