AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
