Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
