I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize