My room smells like vodka and shame
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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