i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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