i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
