foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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