Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
