i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
