I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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