There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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