nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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