do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
