I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
as a side note pls kill me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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