I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
