Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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