My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't deserve a penis
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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