dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
