I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
