No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
