they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
