I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
