I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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