last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
