Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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