How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
