If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
