OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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