so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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