i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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