mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize