I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Text me some of your sweat
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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